I Don't Understand
by ComeAlive
Summary: Ashley comes home early for a surprise, but the surprise is reversed. Is it a surprise she will enjoy?
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys! This is just a short story I'm working on, it won't be anymore than about 4 or 5 chapters.  
I've not had time to thoroughly go through this for any grammar errors, so please forgive any major mistakes!  
Also, I don't know too much about how the Army works, but since it's fiction, if anything is wrong, I'm hoping you'll let me off with it!

I've already started writing the 2nd chapter, so I hope you enjoy this.  
Leave a review! More the reviews, the faster the 2nd chapter arrives.  
You're my inspiration!

**Disclaimer - I don't own SON or any of the characters from the show.**

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Why didn't I just tell her? If I told her would I be feeling how I feel right now?  
It was not suppose to be like this, it was suppose to be the greatest day that has happened since we met one another.

**2 Weeks Ago.**

_"Hey baby! I miss you so much right now, like, you wouldn't believe."_

_"Hey Ash, I miss you too."_

_"8 months babe, then this is all over, I know it feels so far away, but 8 months and I can come home and never have to leave you again."_

_"Yeah, it's great..."_

_"Are you okay?"_

_"Uh...no, not really, look Ash, there is something I need to tell you, I..."_

_Silence._

_"What? Just tell me Spence, you know you can tell me anything."_

_I hear her take a deep breathe, almost as for courage._

_"I'm so sorry, but you being away, it hurts so much and 8 months just seems so far and I haven't seen you for 7 months anyway! You are only ever back for a few weeks at a time and then gone for months! I love you so much, I truly do, but I can't do this anymore, the last time you told me it was your last tour it turned out to be a lie. Out of the 6 years we've spent together, only 2 of them were without anytime spent apart. I'm sorry but I...I've met someone else Ash, I'm so sorry."_

_"I have to go."_

_"Ash..."_

_"Bye Spencer."_

_And with that, my life had changed in ways I didn't want it to._

**Present**

If I had just told her, rather than surprise her, that I was being honourably discharged early due to outstanding effort in the field, I wouldn't be standing in the airport alone, I wouldn't be heartbroken, I wouldn't feel lost.

I never told her I was back early, after what she told me, I never answered her calls, I never called back and I never responded to her letter, a final desperate attempt to say sorry.  
She doesn't get to say sorry, she is only trying to make herself feel better, not me, she didn't care about me when she threw my heart back at me and gave hers away to someone else.  
If she could just end what we had so easily why would she care that I came back early?  
I'll just have to move on aswell, it can't be that hard right?

"ASH!"

I look up to see a human sized blur throw themselves into me.

"Woah!" I pull away. "Okay, I know you've missed me, but Jesus woman, I survived multiple tours without any serious injuries, let's not damage anything in the airport!"

"Sorry sis, I've just missed you so much, and I'm so sorry I'm late, the traffic was a nightmare."

"It's cool Kyla, I would have been more shocked if you were here on time."

She hits me lightly on the arm. I pull her back in for another hug.

"I've missed you too Kyla."

"Let's get you out of here and back home."

"Home. Guess I need to rediscover what home is."

We start walking to the car, avoiding the elephant in the room, I can tell Kyla doesn't want to mention Spe...her, as she doesn't want to hurt me, I know we will have to talk about it sometime, but that time isn't now.

We finally get to the car and head to Kyla's apartment, it use to be ours, but I moved in with you know who, now I need to move back in with Kyla.

"Look, I know you probably don't want to talk about this and I respect that, but I just want to know one thing, have you told Spencer you're back?"

"Nope, and I don't plan to anytime soon, she just disregarded me and my feelings, didn't give me a chance to fight for her and although I know it's petty, I'll do the same."  
I know how insanely petty I'm being right now, but damn, she hurt me so bad.

"Cool, not to worry, just take it at your own pace."

"What about my things?"

"Well, she dropped some of your things at the apartment, but not everything, I guess she thinks she has more time."

"Okay, we'll sort everything out soon, I have some clothes with me anyway, I can buy new things no problem."

After that, we drove back in silence.  
The first thing I done when we got back was collapse onto the bed, I have not slept on a real bed for such a long time, I need this.  
A few hours later there is a really loud knock at the door, I hear Kyla run to answer it, I decided to just listen from the door.

"Hey! Spencer, what are you doing here?"

Shit.

"I called Ashleys base again today to try and get her to talk to me and some sergeant said she had sadly left them! Has something happened to her? Please don't tell me it has, I know what I done was shitty, but I still love her so much, please tell me nothing has happened."

I feel like right now would be the perfect time to go out and say hello, but I can't, I need to hear what she has to hear.

"Come in and sit down Spencer."

Kyla still thinks I'm asleep, but I can't even pull myself to go out and handle this.

I hear Kyla shut the door and some shuffling around, how will she deal with this one?

"Look Kyla, I know I've hurt Ashley more than I can imagine and in turn I have probably made you despise me, but I can't bare the thought of her being hurt."

"You breaking her heart done enough damage, surface wounds aren't all that matter...  
Sorry, I'm sorry. Look, she's fine, she is alive and she isn't hurt."

"Then what did he mean when he said she had left them?"

"She...uh. She, took a leave - "

"I'm here"

As much as I hate Spencer for what she done, I can't let Kyla get caught up in this mess, so I grow the courage to walk out the room and take a deep breath."

"I came back early."

Spencer spins around and looks like she has seen a ghost.

"Ash! What? How?"

"It's Ashley to you now. I was honourably discharged due to outstanding service on the field, I was given the news 2 weeks ago, I was going to surprise you by coming home early, but someone got there before I could."

"Ash...ley. Look, I am so-"

"No! You do not get to say sorry to me when you don't mean it, you do not get to make yourself feel better. I understand the distance is hard, I really do, but to end things over the phone?! To fall in love with someone else while I am fighting for our country? For you?!  
You're not the person I thought I was in love with Spencer."

"Ashley, I truly do love you, but we don't choose who we fall for or when."

"You really think saying that helps?! I would have waited forever for you, but clearly I was more into this than you were."

"I love you Ashley, I do!"

"Just not enough to wait?"

She doesn't answer.

"That's what I thought, drop the rest of my things here when you want, just make sure I'm not in.  
Bye Spencer."

And with that I walk back into my room and slam the door and burst out in tears.  
I should be fighting for her I know, but how could she just throw us away so easily? Give up on us so easily? Is she not in love with me the way I thought she was?  
Why fight for someone who doesn't share your feelings?

**One Week Later**

"Kyla! I'm home!"

"Hey! How did things go, any luck?"

"I think they are still pissed because I turned them down all those years ago for the Army, but I think they will still take me on, the talent never left me, I just left the country for a while."

Let me explain, I was offered a position as a producer and songwriter at my dads old record label just before I signed up for the Army, that was 6 years ago, to be 18 and decide to go out and fight rather than make, potentially, millions of dollars a year doing something I love was tough, but the Army was something I had my heart set on since I could remember.  
We had enough money to last us until our last breathes anyway, but I don't want to someone who sits around doing nothing all day, I need to earn the dollars!

"Yeah, they would be stupid not to take you on Ash."

"Thanks Ky, I knew I loved you for a reason. Did anyone call for me?"

"Well, Spencer called about 10 times and she also dropped by to leave some more of your things, I put them in your room for unpacking."

I walk over to Kyla and hug her.

"Thank you. I know this isn't easy on you being my sister and Spencer's best friend.  
I'm sure she and I will be able to friends someday, but that day is not today and I feel the need to continue being a bitch to her."

"I get that. And to be honest, I'm not too keen on her at the moment."

"Ky, don't let the end of our relationship end your friendship, you guys were friends before we started dating."

"I know, but right now, how she treated you means my sister stance is stronger than my best friend stance."

I just smile at her.

"Anyway, I am going out to dinner with Aiden and probably spending the night at his, so I will see you tomorrow! There is lasagne in the oven, but knowing you, you will just order in some chinese food."

"You know me too well Ky, see you later, have a good night!"

And with that, I am left alone.  
I jump onto the couch, turn on the TV and order some chinese food.  
I'm engrossed in this Jerry Springer episode:  
'My mum may actually be my sister and my dad may actually be my babys daddy'

"Man, this show is fucked up." I say to myself, I hear the doorbell ring and could not have gotten up any faster, I am starving!

I open the door while pulling some money out of my pocket, "So how much is that - oh, you."

"Hey, I know you said not to come around when you were in, but despite what you may think, I still care and I just needed to see you."

"There, you've seen me, anything else?"

"Could I talk to you? Inside..."

I think for a few seconds, it would be good to get some answers.

"Fine, come in."

Just as I walk over to the couch there is another knock at the door.

"That'll be my dinner, one second."

I pay for the food and bring it over to the coffee table in front of the couch.

I sit as far away from Spencer as I can. "Okay, so talk."

"I can't beging to imagine how much you dislike me right now, possibly hate, and I really don't blame you, but you have to understand Ashley - "

I can't help but laugh.

"Understand what?! That if someone leaves you for a while they are no longer capable of loving you properly?"

"A little while! We've barely spent more than two weeks together for 4 years!"

"And you knew that was a possiblity even before we started dating! I told you, SO MANY TIMES, that I was going to join the Army and that meant I will probably be away for prolonged amounts of time! I gave you countless opportunities to walk away from us before I left from my first tour and I would have completly understood if you did, but you said you were committed to me! What you did was just, unexpected. I never thought you would ever cheat on me Spencer, after all your preachings on how cheating is wrong."

"I know, but I never thought it would be so hard, we spent 2 blissful years together and then suddenly you weren't there anymore, we had a home but it felt like it was just mine, you weren't there when I needed you the most, and I know you were doing one of the greatest things anyone could do, fighting for this country, but I missed you terribly, I love you so deeply Ashley, but when you told me your last tour was your LAST tour, it turned out to be a lie, I couldn't hold my breathe for this time to be the truth."

"So, rather than end it before I left, you meet someone else, nice."

I can see she hurting, but I just can't get over my own hurt right now.

"How did you meet?"

"She works as a nurse at the hospital, she became my shoulder to cry on when I was worried about you or we had an argument and something just kind of grew from out."

"Out of sight, out of mind. If you loved me so deeply, why didn't you wait? Why did you cheat on me?"

"I never..."

"You truly expect me to believe in the whole 7 months I was away on my LAST tour nothing happened? The least you owe me here Spencer is the truth. Please, give me that, how long were you together before you told me?"

"5 months."

I look up and shake my head "Wow, that's um, that's just great, 5 fucking months?! ARE YOU SERIOUS!? Why wait so long to tell me? And do not say you were afraid to hurt me, because you done that as soon as you chose her over me."

"I don't know, I was too much of a coward and I understand if you hate me, but I'd really like for us to keep in touch."

"I don't hate you Spencer, I love you."

She smiles.

I shake my head "That's the problem, I love you and you're with someone else, we can't be friends, that's just not possible...at least not right now and I don't know when it ever will be or if it ever will be. You hurt me more than you can imagine, I just need time, give me that at least, stop phoning, stop coming around, just stop.  
Throw out my stuff or get Kyla to come get it, I don't care, but I can't see you while I'm in love with you and you're with someone else.  
I feel like I meant nothing to you."

"I still love you Ash, but Ella just..."

"Ella? That's her name, she better know how lucky she is."

"Can we at least try to be friends, I don't want you out of my life."

"You got me out your life when you chose Ella over me. Please just leave Spencer and respect my requests, I think it's the least you can do."

And with that I picked up my food and turned the TV back on.  
Spencer sat for a few minutes and then accepted I was done talking and left.

On some level I expected her to say she was leaving Ella for me, but clearly Ella means more than I ever did.  
If only things were that simple.

**One Month Later.**

One month, 31 days, 44,640 minutes, 2678400 seconds.  
That's how long it's been since I last spoke to Spencer and it is killing me, I know I asked her to stay away and I still stand by that, but this is the longest we have ever gone without speaking and I think I'm allowed to miss her.  
I'm just laying on the couch looking at the roof, kind of wishing I didn't have the day off from the label today, all I can think about is the blonde beauty.  
I still don't get it, how could she?  
Just before I'm able to torture myself I hear Kyla come in and sit next to my head on the couch, she looks very serious.  
I sit up.

"What's wrong Ky?"

"Look, Ash, I don't wanna be the one to tell you this because I'm still trying to process it myself but Spence..."

"Spencer what? Has she tried to get in touch with me again?"

"No, I wish that what I was going to say. She...Ella asked Spence to marry her."

"Oh."

"And she said yes."

I can't stop the tears that fall from my ears or the feeling of my heart tearing apart again.

"Wow. 6 months in huh? We're together for 6 years but 6 months with someone else and she's engaged? Wow."

"I'm so sorry Ash."

"Hey, it's fine, some people just fine it easier to move on that others.  
I think I'm going to go for a walk, clear my head. I'll pick up something for dinner on my way back okay?"

"Ash..."

"See you soon"

I could not have walked out that apartment any faster if I had tried.

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**Please remember and leave a review. Thank you!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! It's been a while huh?**  
**I can only apologise. Since my last update my life took a bit of a hectic turn and it's only started getting back on track as will this story!**  
**One thing I'd like to mention about the reviews though, I absolutely love everyone who has reviewed (even the negative Nancy's!)**  
**But someone really didn't like how I've changed Spencer. But isn't that the beauty of FanFic? Creating an alternative reality? :) There are fics were Spencer and Ashley are magical creatures and they are great stories! Thank you for reviewing though, they warm my heart!**  
**This is only a short chapter, mainly to let you guys know I'm still here and to see if there is still interest in the story!**  
**Enjoy! :)**

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**Two Months Later:**

Two months since Spencer got engaged, two months since she put the final hole into my already breaking heart. It's been 3 months in total since I've spoken to and told her where to go, she's tried getting in touch many times, but I just can't deal with her. I'm trying to keep myself occupied with my job and most days that works, but then on my days off or even sometimes in work, I just wish I could phone up Spencer and take her to lunch and have just a nice day.

Not anymore. Not ever since she chose…her.

I've asked Kyla not to mention Spencer at all around me, I'm finally getting to a good place and the last thing I want is to hear how happy she is. She could be married by now, I have no idea and I have no wish to know.

Well, that's a lie, I WANT to know, but I don't think I could handle the expected answer.

Engaged after 6 months, I doubt the wedding was or is planned for too long after that.

I ended up blocking Spencer's number, I was getting sick of the amount of unread texts and missed calls on my phone, why couldn't she just accept my wish to be left alone?!

Just at that moment, I heard a ding come from my computer that let me know I have an email, I open up my account and see it's from Spencer…

"Holy shit! Just leave me alone woman!"

My curiosity got the better of me though as the title of the message is "Everything is not as it seems…"

I click open and read what she has written:

"Dear Ashley,

I know you do not wish to hear from me, but I gather from what's happened that you have blocked my cell number and blocked me on your social media accounts. Kyla won't talk to me either and I didn't know how else to contact you.

I make two requests of you, forgive me for contacting you when you didn't want me to and forgive me causing you so much pain, but I promise everything is not as it seems. It's not safe to mention it over email, but please I ask you with everything in my heart to meet me, wherever you want and whenever you can and we can talk and I will tell you everything. Whether or not you accept my apologies when I tell you is of course totally up to you, but I have to try one more time.

If you do not reply, I give you my word that I will not contact you again and will truly respect your wishes. But right now, my wish if you for you to get in touch. In advance I will tell you my reasoning is flawed, it will not be easy to digest and you may actually come to dislike me more, but you deserve the complete and honest truth, let me give you that, please.

I hope to see you soon.

All my love,

Spencer."

"Well shit, colour me intrigued" I say to myself. I sit and reread through the message countless times during the next hour, debating whether or not I should reply. What on earth does she want to tell me? Is there actually anything to tell me? Or is this a ploy to just see me? Another hour passes and I decide what to do.

As my mouse hovers over the delete button…I quickly move it to the reply button:

"Spencer,

2pm tomorrow. Café Roger. Don't be late."

Yes, my message was blunt and probably unfair, but can you blame me for being pissed?

**The Next Day:**

I was into the café and spot Spencer right away and take in a deep breath and walk over to her.

"It's only 1:55, I'm surprised you're here, time keeping was never your thing."

Spencer quickly turns her head to me with a look of shock and confusion, she wants to laugh but knows I will probably scold her if she does.

"I've actually been here since 1:30, I wanted to be sure to be here on time and better too early than too late."

I just nod my head and take a seat across from her.

"So, what do you so desperately need to tell me?"

"Ashley, you will probably hate me more after this. But Ella and me, everything isn't what you think…"

"What do you mean?"

"Well…"

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